Teach Me Wolf
Doctors said his chances were slim, being premature, a boy and under a kilogram in weight. Four days later, my son Damon died. Then came the diagnosis - Systemic Lupus Erythematosus and the horror realisation of what had happened and why I was so ill.
I was angry with my gynaecologist for not having noticed that my placenta had clotted triggering early labour. He had attributed my strange symptoms to stress. I was even angrier with myself for not trusting my instinct. I knew there was something wrong but hadn’t questioned his authority. There are no words to describe my grief and sense of guilt.
A cerebral Lupus attack, four years later, despite extensive medical backing, was the final straw for me. Misdiagnosed again, my faith in the medical fraternity hit rock bottom. My doctors had maintained that there was no cure for Lupus. I would just have to take medication and manage the symptoms. I had believed them all these years, but now I wondered if their understanding and approach to treating this disease was correct. Most of the people I knew with Lupus were either debilitated or dead, and they had all been treated by supposed ‘experts’. I decided to look for alternative medical support, which worried my family. For them, anything unconventional was cult-like, ‘spooky stuff’ and of no value. For me, the teachings of the authentic spiritual traditions were soul food and life changing.
Lupus is an inflammatory disease caused by the body’s immune system attacking its own tissues and organs. The word lupus comes from the Latin for wolf. From an esoteric perspective, the wolf is a symbol of the great teacher and Lupus, the disease, the result of an inability to see yourself - the real you - which is why the immune system turns on itself. It cannot ‘see’ what should be attacked and what shouldn’t. The protector inadvertently becomes the enemy.
The Sapphire Tablets held the key to transforming wild wolf to wise wolf for me. My first impression of the tablets was of 169 bejewelled butterflies. Inspired by what I had seen, I set out to re-create them in physical form. It took me some time to get going. A year later, ill with raging Lupus, I sat down with trays of gems and an assortment of brightly coloured clays and began to craft. At the same time, America invaded Iraq. Within three weeks I had completed the project, I felt better and my Lupus had gone into remission.
Why butterflies and what changed? Butterflies are a traditional symbol of transformation, which is what I experienced on some deep level. It was strange to be manufacturing butterflies whilst watching the bombing of Baghdad. Even more bizarre was my uncontrollable anger throughout the creative process. Reflecting on the process has lead me to this understanding: The Sapphire Tablets are not a medical treatment or cure. They are alternative tools of transformation, which assist us if we're willing, to address debilitated patterns that trigger natal predispositions and cause havoc in our lives. For me, this was all about the battles I was fighting within (autoimmune disease) that were being re-enacted in my outer world (anger/war). The butterflies were channels through which my conflicts were resolved, and my wild wolf (Lupus) tamed.
Writing about Damon is difficult. I struggle to ‘share’ him because I didn’t have him with me long enough. Having experienced the transformative healing powers of the Sapphire Tablets, I recognise the importance of telling my story. Earthbody would not exist were it not for Damon and the great teacher Lupus. I have realised that science does not hold all the answers, neither does the spiritual world, but together, they open doors and allow us to see things we never saw before and experience things we never thought possible. Connection is key. From this heightened state of awareness we have a better chance of experiencing life in its wholeness.
Salome Pouroulis
24th September 2016
(revised February 2017)